At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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