My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
