I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
