remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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