life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
