she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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