Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
