Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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