Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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