omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
