I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All the doctor said was why
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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