Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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