i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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