So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
