Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
