How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
