I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
