i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
