I molested 6 butterflies tonight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
