The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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