all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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