Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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