took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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