so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
