Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
