her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
