i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she told me i tasted like america
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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