how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
