porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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