Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
