i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
