It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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