Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
