Kiss
Puke
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
