he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
