you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
