I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
