I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
