..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
