nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
