I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
