i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
