So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
