you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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