9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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