all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's shark week go big or go home
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize