if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
