I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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