we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
