Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
