I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
