i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
