Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think i got beer on your cat.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
