sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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