why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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