i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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