Jerry, you need to find god
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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