nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
