What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
