He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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