There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
