Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
