Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
