i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
