So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
