in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
