just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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