So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
