you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
